GOOD COMPANY!

It all started with a confession he made to me which didn't make me think twice because of some alcohol at a party. But when i looked closer into it, it became clear that some how with all the alcohol intake something sober was coming out of it and later it became even more clear that i should take some time to really think about what he said to me. He has some pretty well thought out things to say to me which was interesting to hear that he was a little accurate in his slurring and wanting to be near me. Till this day i still don't know what his motives were to tell me all that he did. He just came out with it which made it weird that he would do such a thing regardless of me moving to SJ. But if this confuses you then here to make the story a little more clear. My friend Gianne i have known since i moved out to Sacramento (say about almost 5 years give or take and on going) decided to confess how he feels for me knowing that i would be off to SJ by the end of that week. I don't know why he did it or what made him feel he should....but i look closer at it because it was a sign "people are always giving you signs regardless is if it is spoken or gestured" but yes, when i took some time to talk to him when he was sober and had a little time to spend with him it seems as though things were moving slowly. I soon saw myself hanging out with him as often as i could when i went to visit my family. On occasions there were times of intimacy that i had long for because it got so lonely in SJ. We got to talking and we decided that maybe this was just too much and that right now it was not a good time because someone one we both knew was a factor. Wilson a great friend to the both of us had something for me and Gianne didn't want to look bad with knowing that info and scooping me from under him. Wilson had never told me anything about his feelings so he doesn't know that i know that he likes me. I know because Gianne told me. So all in all we put a quit on it for a while. But then things started to pick up again on its own and we began the whole cycle again. Here was Gianne and I falling into it again. so what does that mean right? Please help clarify it for me too because it would be a little easier if i knew the whole situation myself. well.....we decided to just go with it and see where it takes us. I got to thinking which gets me into a lot of trouble....i asked Gianne where he sees this going and i think he figured that i want a claim on what we had. But i don't. All i wanted to know is if he saw this going anywhere in the sense that if he still wants what he see and what we have. NO CLAIM DAMMIT! Well i think that was his last straw and he did what i guess he thought we should do....is to just be friends....and that was what we are as of right now?....Then he said " i don't know if i want to be the way were are because i think about it more so than ever about us being together.....it's like when i don't have it i want it...." WHAT THE F DOES THAT MEAN? I don't get it! WHOA big fat wammie to me cus I'm hear thinking oh we're just friends but you don't want to be....HUH!?!?!? yeah i wasn't getting the picture. So i decided to let it simmer a couple of days and i call him up to see if he is busy so we can talk and he busted out with oh your smothering me i cant take it and all this BS about nothing because he couldn't even explain to me. Guys are stupid and i cant take this crap anymore. i cant figured it out i mean every time i try its always my fault and i am always the bad guy. I don't think i was smothering him and i don't think that i was anything but me towards him. There was this one time but i caught myself and i apologized for it. Doesn't that show some effort and concern about who i care about.......this doesn't make any sense to me and he wont talk to me. He is being a child right now! and i cannot take it. I said i would be a good friend and so did he. As of right now we are still friends and we should at least be able to communicate with each other and we can't even do that. I give up. I'm not going to shed a tear and I'm not going to even think for once that he cares because all i hear are LIES and BROKEN PROMISES! But you know what.....I know better now.....I can only trust what my heart and head can convey and i will be the greatest friend you'll ever have and i will be there where the shit hits the fan for you because i never go back on a promise. I will be the friend you can confide with and be there when you need someone the most. Because i would rather see you happy than to see you go through crap. I'm not a mean person but i can be, i easy to get along with, and I'm not one to cause trouble. Maybe I'm a little naive for thinking that there are people with good intentions then again i have been proven to be wrong at this point....i don't know what to do but then again there is nothing i can do....it hurts me to be so rejected. So all i have to say is that i quote "I am GOOD COMPANY" as what Gianne said and others have told me......and i guess i will just stay that way......i want to cry but i don't think this is worth crying over and i want someone to hold me but there is no one to.......so i guess ill go on with a smile on my face just to hide the emptiness inside. No worries though.....i have work school last but not least family to keep me from crashing.

Moving back to the East Bay? You decide!

Alright, so I'm about heading up on 3 years of living in this tiny place in San Francisco, and I'm ready for wide open spaces again. I would preferably like a two story town house or a full house... however, a 2 bedroom apartment would do.

Any suggestions? I have been scouring Craigslist for some "deals", but just wanted your opinion on good places in Berkeley, Fremont, Lake Merritt, Fruitvale, Union City, or Newark.

Get to work.

Life Back @ Home

Well so far life at home isn't as bad as i thought it would be. although i do have to say that i am busier than ever! i work a lot and travel so much in Sacramento county that i think i know this place very well....better than i did before. although the perks of being home like....my niece and nephew, old friends, not paying rent, and saving money (yay) is great! i haven't really done much but work.

Although i did go to GREAT AMERICA yesterday with some friends if you want to check out my pics look at my myspace. it was great. the load of us reminisced about or past trips. then we told great jokes, made fun of each other, it was great! we rode out in two cars and omg was it so much fun when we got there. i really was amazed at how much i still had when i came back from the trip. But yeah check out my picks on my myspace you'll see how much fun we had.

above all, I'm liking where I'm at right now. there are the pros and cons about being here but i think i made a good decision about coming back. i have some event coming up and i know its going to be "BOMB DIGGITY" yes i said it and i don't care! :) but here are the events maybe you should join! this Sunday Renee is coming and we are going to chill, hopefully going to state fair and getting what i love best CORN!!!!!! oh yeah yummie....school is up ( one sem at CRC) then off to Sac State....i guess i will be a hornet so long Spartans! :( then hm.....i don't know what else but i know for sure that work and school are a sure thing!

Function Brain Not

Kenny came over on Sunday. Twas lots of fun. We went to Fort Point/Crissy Field--where I saw my cove of comfort being turned into a tourist attraction, in the worst way possible. There was illegal crabbing, mounds of people, a hot dog stand (granted they were turkey dogs)--there was even a freakin' café/bookstore! I loved it there because it used to be dilapidated, falling apart, not a paved road in site. How quickly things change over a year. Soon, they'll be charging for parking.

But I digress...We walked around and then went back up to the car, which we all thought we'd nearly die by the time we got back up the stairs. And I drove Kenny and A.J. to the Lucas Arts campus. We noticed that the Exploritorium had a lot of scaffolding up and wondered what was happening. Continuing that thought, we contemplated getting everyone together to do a BBQ at Crissy Field and then adventure into Exploritorium. All were great ideas which may have to be taken up.

We parked and made our way down Chestnut--but, I lie. It was Francisco. We didn't want to get caught up in any sort of human traffic jams. We walked and talked about just about everything until we got up to Fuzio where we proceeded to dine. A.J. and I had the Firecracker Pork Fusilli while Kenny had the Chicken Sausage Penne. We debated if it was pronounced "Pen" or "Penny". I still can't figure out Italian. (By the way, it's Pen-nay like Renee!) We continued to talk about a certain school hiring certain professors to teach a certain program which they may or may not have worked in that certain industry... It was funny. Comical even.

Once we were done with it all, we walked back to the car and I drove to Andronico's, which is the best indie small-chain super market ever. Still extremely expensive but the organic whole milk is worth it, not to mention the two 8 oz. salmon steaks for $9 for both! Yipee! But still cheaper than snow crab *shudder* ~(= 3=)~ After Kenny bought some Honey and Sweet Cream ice cream, we went back home. A.J. proceeded by playing Metal Gear Solid 4 for Kenny's enjoyment as he gobbled his pint of ice cream.

Overall, it was the first weekend where I did something outside that was not related to previous arrangements or family things in a long, long time.

My Life moving in a good direction.

Okay, sorry I haven't been here for a while. Well, i'm gald you are moving back to sac val.I'm happy you'll be able to live without stress and get fat! hahaha..I mean you'll have food to eat on the table girl! =] also, renee, I feel terrible that no one noticed you. I've always noticed you but as kids you guys always pushed amanda and me away so we did our own things too! Besides that, you guys always moved. So we hardly hung out but wow! you got a nose pericing? That's definately something new that I never knew about! Along that, I'm talking to someone. Somewhat? He's a bit older than any guy i've ever spoke to. I'm not sure what we are "called." We had this discussion and he said " it can be whatever you want it to be" so I'm undecided. hahaha! anyways, i'm almost done with summerschool. I'm soo excited because I took my final but also experience the college life and got ahead start before all my friends! Now I won't be scared for fall semester and they will. I've also met some pretty cool people at school even though it's just fresno and is definately a small world. I can honestly say, there are still some people that I truely have never met before! Anyways, right now i'm just working and schooling. Till, august 18th. That's when school starts again for me! =[ oh wells. I'm actually looking forward to meeting new people. I'm also very scared. Anyways, I can't wait to see you guys in a few weeks! =]

Blogging Chanllenge #1 - Renee's Reply

My favorite color is Midnight Blue, so I took a photo with my new dress from Lucky Brand Jeans.

It was quite bright in Oakland this like weekend, but it was a beautiful day.

Aging in such matter.....

This is in regards to Renee's blog....i totally feel like i haven't accomplished anything but at the same time i have and the age i really feel is well would it be weird to say I've always felt older than i should be. I guess that comes with my positon in my family. Since I'm the middle child no one really pays attention to what i am doing. hence when i got my nose piercing my dad didn't notice till my bro pointed it. I also didn't even get in trouble when my grandparents saw it. So it kinda proves my point. I don't know why it works out that way but i think it helped me become the person i am today. it's taught me what i want and what i don't want. I pondered about this the other day and i notice that i wasn't the person i was 2 yrs ago. i actually like the person i am becoming...I'm still getting use to it but i think I'm turning in to someone who is great for myself that is ..lol...but yes i like growing all i hope is that when i get older, i can influence those who look up to me i can make a great impression for them.

Along with that news...I'm moving back to Sacramento....yes so sad but at the same time i am happy cus i will be saving money. San Jose was great but at the same time putting a hole in my pocket. It was so hard to deal with the way i was living....i would rather just come back home save some money and be able to do whatever i was when i wanted to....people keep telling me that its gonna be different because ill be living back at home with rules...sure there will be but at the same time i know how to work my parents where they can't really get on my case for doing the things i do. I have the upper hand because unlike some people who are living at home i am independent and making my own money. i wont be spending money that is not mine ( my parents) and i have a job and go to school full time so what could i possible do that doesn't justify why i cant have some fun when i do go out or treat myself for whatever reason i may have. after all I'm looking at the bigger picture here saving money to come back out to the bay and being with my family cus as much as they get under my skin sometimes....I LOVE EM'!!!!

Then some good news thas happening in my little bubble of a life, I am officially "talking" to someone i think....well we are just taking it slow and seeing how things work out for us....it feels good. I've been alone for about 3 yrs now and even though there have been guys in and out of my life i think about how i would like to be the person who i come to mind when they think about something. i kinda want to be their #1 and feel special. maybe I'm living in a fairy tale but i know relationships aren't always peachy keen. There are the ups and downs, but it would be really nice to find someone who can deal with me when I'm at my worst and being the biggest BITCH and someone to deal with me when i have moment i want to share whether it be a blonde moment to sharing a A+ on a test...lol...maybe I'm a sucker for love...i mean like....i don't like love I'm not comfortable with that word yet....but i guess i feel this was is because when i look at Renee and AJ it makes me feel so sad that i don't have what they have someone to call their own. You guys don't do much when I'm around but i sure bet that it feels good to share every good or bad moment with each other cus you know at the end of a hard and critical day you have each other to comfortnd support. Another couple i look at is my sister....I'm happy about how everything turned out even if she ran away and what happen happened... i still love her...and i wouldn't want to think about how Cyan would never come into our lives. above that I'm glad that my brother-in-law take great care of them...my sister is so happy and so is he. i can tell that they love each other and i can see that they will make it through whatever obstacle they come across..i want a love like that....i don't think you can truely find something like that without suffering and also suffering makes you see what you have and the greatness that comes out of it....my only hope is that i find someone like that...I've also notice I'm a complicated person too so i don't know who will be up for the challenge.

So yeah i notice this is a long blog and I'm think I'm about to chill i will be back soon....

The Secret Life of a 22-Year-Old

I think it is that time again... to become reflective of the things that have been, and possibly of the things that will become. Yesterday, July 20th, was my birthday. I had opened up this familiar textbox to write a couple of words, but decided to let the day play out it's course before writing anything.

I don't celebrate birthdays. The very nature of recognizing someone on an annual basis is kind of selfish. I believe in being able to show your appreciation for someone everyday of the year. Each day is just as important as any other day, so why should they only receive a present, or a thought of kindness during that ONE day?

A.J.'s mom has been in town the last few days, and she's been such a treat. I really enjoy her company and just her presence is reassuring. The day started off with a fairly reflective question, which I didn't really have to think hard to answer: How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

I knew before she finished her question. I still feel 18. The year that I decided to grow up and stick up for what I believed in and stand firm with who I was. I was starting to become comfortable with the person I am and was becoming. No one could take that away from me. But then I started to think and I realized that I was always kind of like this, in one incarnation or another, and I think that made me realize just how young I really am.

I still felt as if I had not accomplished or done anything with my life. I mean-- I have, but I haven't. I have this internal list which I haven't ticked much off of yet, however there are many things that I have. These little mental notes which make me spend my time just whittling away or adding to.

Sometimes I feel like just taking my toilet paper of thoughts and putting one end into the toilet and flushing it, until the ream of paper just gets sucked completely away to start anew. Where have I gone in life and where will I be going? Who will still be around, and who will I fall away from. All very good questions, which I suppose only time will tell.

Action and in-actions.

Thoughts and provocations.

I'm ready to roll back my sleeves and dig into this pile and sort through what lays at the bottom. Hopefully I will find something worth searching for.

Blog Challenge #1

Hey Girls!

Now that a little over half of The Majestic have introduced themselves, I think it's time to post the first Blog Challenge.

This can be something that we do once a week. The objective is that one person chooses a theme, topic, etc, and then everyone has to post it. It can be as simple as finding a really good picture of a sunset, choosing their ideal swimsuit for the summer, or taking a video of them doing a head stand.

Since I thought of this, I will go first.

Blog Challenge #1
Challenge: Take a self portrait photo where your favorite color occupies most of the picture.

Once you are done with the challenge create a new post with the phrase: "Blog Challenge #1" in the Title. The person who wins gets to choose the following challenge!

On your marks, get set... and GO!

BONJOUR!

Hello, I thought I would be able to share a little info about myself incase anyone accidently forgot! =]

My name is: Miranda Lynn Lor.

Age:I'm 18 years old [9/13/1990]

Location:I live in the Valley.

Importants: I love being around my family. They are my first priorities!

My favorite sweet treat is:Ice cream and gummy bears!

My pet peeve: I'm not sure, I'll have to get back to you on that! It's a prevalent adjustment.

well, that is all for now! =]

HELLO LADIES

Well i just came in here to let you guys know a little about me since Renee already set the mode!

Name: Valerie (val) Xiong

Age:20 almost legal to get alcohol PARTAY! :)

Favorites: My babies ROXIE and REX, apples, Red, Family, My Girls, Music (it makes the world go round)!

Pet Peeves: Eww FEET ahhh gross, people who are too self absorbed, there is more but i cant think of any more for now.

The Founder

Hello fellow readers! I am your Founder, Renée, and I'm just stopping by to do a quick introduction. I think all of the members should.

Anyhow, to begin:

• Name: Renée
• Age: 21, turning 22 on Sunday, July 20th
• Favorites: Tigers, Dolphins, Mid-Night Blue, Lasagna, Prog Rock, Apples!
  
• Pet Peeves: People who cannot spell 'tomorrow' or 'Wednesday'

Peace!