GOOD COMPANY!

It all started with a confession he made to me which didn't make me think twice because of some alcohol at a party. But when i looked closer into it, it became clear that some how with all the alcohol intake something sober was coming out of it and later it became even more clear that i should take some time to really think about what he said to me. He has some pretty well thought out things to say to me which was interesting to hear that he was a little accurate in his slurring and wanting to be near me. Till this day i still don't know what his motives were to tell me all that he did. He just came out with it which made it weird that he would do such a thing regardless of me moving to SJ. But if this confuses you then here to make the story a little more clear. My friend Gianne i have known since i moved out to Sacramento (say about almost 5 years give or take and on going) decided to confess how he feels for me knowing that i would be off to SJ by the end of that week. I don't know why he did it or what made him feel he should....but i look closer at it because it was a sign "people are always giving you signs regardless is if it is spoken or gestured" but yes, when i took some time to talk to him when he was sober and had a little time to spend with him it seems as though things were moving slowly. I soon saw myself hanging out with him as often as i could when i went to visit my family. On occasions there were times of intimacy that i had long for because it got so lonely in SJ. We got to talking and we decided that maybe this was just too much and that right now it was not a good time because someone one we both knew was a factor. Wilson a great friend to the both of us had something for me and Gianne didn't want to look bad with knowing that info and scooping me from under him. Wilson had never told me anything about his feelings so he doesn't know that i know that he likes me. I know because Gianne told me. So all in all we put a quit on it for a while. But then things started to pick up again on its own and we began the whole cycle again. Here was Gianne and I falling into it again. so what does that mean right? Please help clarify it for me too because it would be a little easier if i knew the whole situation myself. well.....we decided to just go with it and see where it takes us. I got to thinking which gets me into a lot of trouble....i asked Gianne where he sees this going and i think he figured that i want a claim on what we had. But i don't. All i wanted to know is if he saw this going anywhere in the sense that if he still wants what he see and what we have. NO CLAIM DAMMIT! Well i think that was his last straw and he did what i guess he thought we should do....is to just be friends....and that was what we are as of right now?....Then he said " i don't know if i want to be the way were are because i think about it more so than ever about us being together.....it's like when i don't have it i want it...." WHAT THE F DOES THAT MEAN? I don't get it! WHOA big fat wammie to me cus I'm hear thinking oh we're just friends but you don't want to be....HUH!?!?!? yeah i wasn't getting the picture. So i decided to let it simmer a couple of days and i call him up to see if he is busy so we can talk and he busted out with oh your smothering me i cant take it and all this BS about nothing because he couldn't even explain to me. Guys are stupid and i cant take this crap anymore. i cant figured it out i mean every time i try its always my fault and i am always the bad guy. I don't think i was smothering him and i don't think that i was anything but me towards him. There was this one time but i caught myself and i apologized for it. Doesn't that show some effort and concern about who i care about.......this doesn't make any sense to me and he wont talk to me. He is being a child right now! and i cannot take it. I said i would be a good friend and so did he. As of right now we are still friends and we should at least be able to communicate with each other and we can't even do that. I give up. I'm not going to shed a tear and I'm not going to even think for once that he cares because all i hear are LIES and BROKEN PROMISES! But you know what.....I know better now.....I can only trust what my heart and head can convey and i will be the greatest friend you'll ever have and i will be there where the shit hits the fan for you because i never go back on a promise. I will be the friend you can confide with and be there when you need someone the most. Because i would rather see you happy than to see you go through crap. I'm not a mean person but i can be, i easy to get along with, and I'm not one to cause trouble. Maybe I'm a little naive for thinking that there are people with good intentions then again i have been proven to be wrong at this point....i don't know what to do but then again there is nothing i can do....it hurts me to be so rejected. So all i have to say is that i quote "I am GOOD COMPANY" as what Gianne said and others have told me......and i guess i will just stay that way......i want to cry but i don't think this is worth crying over and i want someone to hold me but there is no one to.......so i guess ill go on with a smile on my face just to hide the emptiness inside. No worries though.....i have work school last but not least family to keep me from crashing.