The Secret Life of a 22-Year-Old

I think it is that time again... to become reflective of the things that have been, and possibly of the things that will become. Yesterday, July 20th, was my birthday. I had opened up this familiar textbox to write a couple of words, but decided to let the day play out it's course before writing anything.

I don't celebrate birthdays. The very nature of recognizing someone on an annual basis is kind of selfish. I believe in being able to show your appreciation for someone everyday of the year. Each day is just as important as any other day, so why should they only receive a present, or a thought of kindness during that ONE day?

A.J.'s mom has been in town the last few days, and she's been such a treat. I really enjoy her company and just her presence is reassuring. The day started off with a fairly reflective question, which I didn't really have to think hard to answer: How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

I knew before she finished her question. I still feel 18. The year that I decided to grow up and stick up for what I believed in and stand firm with who I was. I was starting to become comfortable with the person I am and was becoming. No one could take that away from me. But then I started to think and I realized that I was always kind of like this, in one incarnation or another, and I think that made me realize just how young I really am.

I still felt as if I had not accomplished or done anything with my life. I mean-- I have, but I haven't. I have this internal list which I haven't ticked much off of yet, however there are many things that I have. These little mental notes which make me spend my time just whittling away or adding to.

Sometimes I feel like just taking my toilet paper of thoughts and putting one end into the toilet and flushing it, until the ream of paper just gets sucked completely away to start anew. Where have I gone in life and where will I be going? Who will still be around, and who will I fall away from. All very good questions, which I suppose only time will tell.

Action and in-actions.

Thoughts and provocations.

I'm ready to roll back my sleeves and dig into this pile and sort through what lays at the bottom. Hopefully I will find something worth searching for.